India's Mars Mission: Profligacy or Development?

As over half of Indian children cry as hunger scrapes the insides of their bellies, India prepares itself for exploring life on Mars through ISRO’s PSLV C25 that launches on 5^th November 2013. As we mourn our country’s dubious distinction of being the world’s Diabetes capital, Malaria capital, Tuberculosis capital and also, according to a recent report, Slavery capital of the world, today on 31^st October, there will be a dry run which will simulate the entire launch sequence to explore uncharted territories by human beings. Rs 450 crore is what is being spent on this mission which critics claim to be profligacy for a country which cannot feed its hungry, shelter its poor or provide for its unemployed.

The question arises, how do we draw a line between scientific development of a country and a senseless megalomania which does a disservice to a nation’s vast population? John Drèze, the eminent economist, believes that it does not make sense for a country to spend so much on a mission which would not bring any immediate relief to its own people when half of the children in the country are undernourished and families have no access to sanitation. It makes sense even from a macroeconomic perspective keeping in mind the high fiscal deficit targets our economy has been reeling under. It is like hosting the Commonwealth Games in your country when there is no infrastructure to support such a massive event and your officials are not morally ready as yet to handle such large amounts of transactions and still keep their pockets light. Oh wait, we already committed that blunder.

On the upside, these satellites provide us the intelligence that leads to warnings of adverse weather conditions and phenomena like tsunami and cyclones. Where lakhs of people used to die a few decades back in cyclones, this year we saw how a strong cyclone like Phailin was disallowed the opportunity to wreck human lives by a prior warning and massive preemptive programs in the form of re-locations leading to a loss of life of just 44. So these satellites do serve a useful purpose. The GPS that we use on our smartphones, the intelligence inputs related to possible terrorist movement and camps, knowing the state of people in rescue operations like Uttarakhand floods, our clear television signals are some of the purposes that these satellites serve. So the question is settled – it is a useful investment.

But for a poor country (I refuse to call it an emerging superpower) like India, where do we draw the line? Does trickle-down economics really work or do we need to revamp our systems and start at the bottom-most rung? Or is it really an attitudinal problem with our officials and ministers, rather with all of us, who, in this rat race to own more and more, are becoming immune to the hardships faced by more than half of our countrymen? The answer to these and some more questions are what be at the top of our minds as we vote for the next government at the centre. Once these issues occupy the central position in our minds, only then will the politicians sit up and take notice. The ball is not in their policy makers’ court, as we all assume. It’s in ours. 

When Consciousness Slows Down

It’s all an excuse. Yet another excuse. I am nothing but an excuse of a person, always procrastinating, always putting off what ought to be done. Although right thoughts are in place, like what my friend Prateek said the other day: “The day you feel the laziest is the day you should never give it a miss”. Like the fact that just yesterday I prioritised fitness at the top of my list – followed by reading, writing, playing the guitar and learning the flute, in that order. Like knowledge of the fact that only yesterday I covered a total of 7.10 km, around 4 km of which was covered while running. Oh yes, the right thoughts are in place. Something clicks. I walk up to my wardrobe, change into my running shorts, wear my arm band which will cocoon my iPod, and get ready. The guitar looks on, forlorn, in the corner. The tapering water bottle at my foot beckons me. Bending down to take a sip, I juggle the question whether I should turn my mobile phone on silent, lest someone calls and the ringing disturbs my flatmate. And then dismissing the question as ridiculous, I put on the songs on my “And Now Run” playlist, switch on the pedometer, and walk out. The realization that it has been drizzling hits me with full force. The biggest dampener this rain is. My biggest excuse this past month for not being regular with jogging! For about 20 seconds I stand at my place, staring at the shimmer on the glowing ball of the street light signifying a drizzle. A sharp cry by a small boy of about 7, excited on seeing his elder sister hiding behind the pillar of the gate, snaps me out of my reverie. It’s all an excuse. I descend the stairs, through the gate, and into the drizzle of Hyderabad.

Vasavi Colony, the place where I stay, is like a grid of tic-tac-toe, only a lot bigger and much more intricate with the roads cutting each other at every 30 metres or so. Not being the main road, the traffic is forgivingly sparse, but the cars in action jump at you at every other crossing, waiting in the dark stealthily under the tree for you to come running. Being a lazy, religious neighbourhood, it has habituated me to stares from children, who often pause their revelry in between and stop and consider this new thing; from aunties draped in pretty sarees who give a scared look, turn away, walk a little, then turn around and give another terrified look, just to check if I’m not running them over; from groups of youthful boys in their prime, whose expression is torn between incredulity, disgust, admiration and curiosity, distorting their visage to a jumble of crests and troughs, unreadable at best. I also get a few comments here and there, whose import I am the least interested to understand. But the dogs are the ones I fear the most, it being the most difficult to fathom their expression and anticipate their actions – either jumping away to save their lives with tails making a C-shape between their legs, or snarling like a dire-wolf from Game of Thrones and making me clock many more metres per second.

The drizzle has cooled the air, but I can feel the thick wetness of humidity on my face. Thankfully I encounter no dogs today, but a few pouncing cars is normal. I had put in some effort to look for a park, any park, nearby and was delighted to find one less than a kilometre from where I stay. On this dank but alive evening, that is where I head to. As I approach the park, a boy cycles along with me, possibly saying something which I am immune to owing to the band ‘Fun’ crooning in my ear. Trying not to encourage him by looking towards him, I jog on and after a few hundred metres, he falls back. Now a harmless pinkish, now a sinister blood-red, the flooring of red tiles assumes different shades, depending on whether a street light lightens up that part of the track or not. I keep a count of the number of laps I take of the less-than-200 metre track which works as a yardstick for me, and I aim for 25 laps today.

Initially I feel a strain on the upper part of my legs pulling me down. It is not as bad as the pain in the side of my stomach symptomatic of poor stamina, a pain that I encountered only yesterday which I slowed down my running speed to overcome. But this is an ache which signifies a scarcity in the coffers of my energy. But I don’t stop, the thought does not even enter my mind and I keep running. There’s a person who I cross at the far end of the park, sitting at the inner side of the concrete track and talking away happily on his mobile. There are a few people sitting under the shed whose faces I cannot see, their backs being towards the light source. The tiled track looks a bit slippery on account of the drizzle which has now become very mild. I gain a second wind almost after 10 laps and I feel no pain from here on. I feel myself being enveloped by a feeling of consciousness being slowed down by an irrepressible hand of nothingness. I’m into the lap 16 and I don’t feel my legs anymore - just an awareness of the number 15 which dances in huge letters in front of my eyes. This is a trick I use to remember the lap I am on, having forgotten to keep up the count many a times.

I can feel a dissonance at the rightmost corner of the ground. A strange continuous sound abuts on the rhythm of my song, and from the corner of my eye, I can see someone dancing, both hands in the air, gesturing almost like Billy Bowden. In my next lap I realize it’s a procession of people, and the sound of crackers piercing the air announces it as a baraat for some wedding. The crackers keep up for a couple of more laps till the caravan passes the expanse of the park. It is lap number 25 and rather than making a right turn at the end of the lap, I go straight out of the gate of the park, making a U-turn on the left towards my abode. By this time I feel rather tired, but I know stopping is not an option. On reaching the building which houses my apartment, I see three kids running towards me, gesturing excitedly with their hands. I try not to take heed and enter the gate of the building as I finally stop running. As I reach the first landing of the stairs and make a turn, I can see the three kids at the foot of the stairs saying something to me with their grinning faces. Not wanting to stop to entertain, being drained of all energy by now, I keep my ear-plugs on and keep ascending the stairs. How could I stop with the knowledge that a refreshing cold shower and a self-cooked khichdi awaited me?

I covered 7.61 km today in 45 minutes and I’m satisfied, though certainly looking forward for more. Running is not easy, especially when you are not a natural athlete. I believe it’s an activity that requires tremendous amount of self-discipline and sincerity. It demands a routine which is very difficult to maintain when you get home all fatigued from office at 6:30 pm, putting up in a place like Vasavi Colony where I’ve never seen anyone else running, ever! It’s a challenge through which your lazy-self screams out at you, showing you the fun you could be having with friends this weekend, and the easy life of sleep and food and movies and more sleep. I can feel the pain in my calf muscles, and I know it’s going to pull me down when I try to stand up tomorrow morning. But I know one thing that this pain is just the beginning of the everlasting pleasure of being proud of yourself.  

It's the Simple Things, Silly!

As we swim through the phases of our life – the exhilarated phase, the drudgery phase, the jumping-up-and-down-happy phase, the heartsick phase, the sad-like-never before phase, among others – we realize that there is a common light whose glimmer can be seen all along. These small events bear no importance to the direction our life takes, but they always form a part of the whole, giving realism to the phantasmagoria of make-believe called life. I would like to recount some of those events that I had to notice hard to see.

As my day begins, I go to the kitchen, and put 4 eggs to boil – two for my flat-mate and two for myself. This routine, ossified in the realms of everydayness, stands by me as a silent spectator, not making even the slightest movement for fear of making me realize its presence. In almost the same way, the guard of our building comes out and stands outside his room to watch me leave as I open the lock of the gate to go out. He has this annoying habit of standing right by you and pretending to be invisible, irrespective of the fact that you might be discussing life and death matters with your postman or your maid.

About a month back, the following incident took place. As I stood at the location where I board the morning bus, and tried to immerse myself in the book in my hand or in the song on my ipod, there is this shared-auto rickshaw that turned right from the crossing where I stood. I had not noticed it for almost a month, when that day I heard a voice followed by a cackling noise which can only either be produced by a mob of excited tiny chickens on a rampage or by a group of small girls poked about 4 inches below their armpits all at the same time. As I looked up at the source of the outburst, I saw some hands waving towards me while some making the tip of their thumb touch the tip of their index finger. It was only the next day when I heard a clear voice saying something to the effect of “Bhaiyya, nice hairstyle!” Caught off-guard as I was, all I could do was smile shyly in return. Since then, I regularly get wide smiles and enthusiastic wave of hands, to which I happily wave back.

The return journey from the office is typically characterised by a sincere effort on my part to make progress in reading whichever book I’m in the middle of. The first fit of drowsiness acting as a signal, I hastily put the book back in my bag, and doze off, before asking somebody close by to make sure that I’m up when my stop comes. After the short nap, which can be best described as head-banging in slow motion, when I get down from the bus, it typically becomes difficult to gather my bearings. The semi-sleepy walk that I have back from the point I alight from the bus to my apartment is something which typifies my everyday life.

These events easily become a part of my routine, and sadly the events which I would have loved to put here as daily occurrences, like a daily workout, or a regular jog, or an evening writing session, followed by some practice on the guitar, could not form a part of this enviable list. It leads me to believe that these daily transactions form the bulwark of our existence, and cannot be controlled, however hard we may try. By giving a sense of regularity to our lives, they make one realize that life is made of these simple things which don’t get much credit, as much as it is made of the highs which we remember fondly in the twilight of our years. We can do well to pause a moment, look around and breathe in these simple pleasures of life. 

Why Do We Need To Support The Minority?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen anger in some of the middle and upper-middle class friends over the pseudo-secularism that Congress has debased themselves to, how their appeasement of the ‘minorities’ knows no moral bounds, and how it strips away the ‘majority’ of their rights in their own country. The anger is palpable and is bursting at the seams. This group of people want to do away with the current dispensation at the Centre and feel Modi will prove to be a panacea to their problems. Modi – with his ‘Gujarat model of governance’ will wave a magic wand and India will be propelled to the forefront of economic growth and prosperity. Are we naïve enough to believe that things can be so simple?

Firstly, Modi inherited a state that has always had a bright history of industrial growth. No, Modi did not wave a magic wand. The roots had been set, the base was there, and he built upon it. Kudos to him for that, and no one is taking it away from him. But in a country like India where at a time over 40% of the population lives hungry, is catering to the private sector enough? Does smoothing out an already well-set process make you God? As Amartya Sen says, a model of redistribution model is better suited for a country like ours. What about the 40%? Do we hear anything about Modi doing something to improve the village level development or the grassroots governance at the panchayat level? Has he made a dent on hunger and undernourishment or child mortality or women empowerment/education? Fact is, in all of the years when he has led Gujarat, the human development indices of Gujarat have not developed as much as his loyal supported would have liked to believe. Leading a nation is a whole different ball game.

The middle class people, who seem to have been the most bothered by the Congress’ style of garnering a vote-bank by appealing to the minorities and taxing the middle-class, are the ones who have turned towards Modi in the hope that he will lead India like no one else had. And this is the vote bank Modi is and has always been appealing to. We despise the ‘pseudo-secularism’ displayed by the Congress because it leaves us, the majority, with nothing. Where are our rights, we ask? Why do we have to live like minorities in our own country? And this is the very sentiment which plays into the hands of Modi.

But in all of this, we forget one essential thing. If a party at the center supports the minority community, what is the worst that can happen? Can the minority community, which naturally would have faced countless instances if injustice and inequity, suddenly become so powerful because of that support as to drive out the majority community from all its rights and positions of power? No, precisely because the minority community will always have less number. Now look at the other scenario, which Hindutva epitomises. What if the majority community, is given the immunity to drive the minority community out of whatever little rights it had, what would become of the moral fabric of a country like India which has prided itself in treating all religions, communities and castes as equal? Who would look after the minority community then? The majority will always have enough means to look after themselves. Who are we kidding? No one is taking away our rights. No one can, because our majority voice will always be supreme. But what of those who feel choked within our system whenever they go out to beg for their rights? What do they feel when they are denied rightful amount of government sponsored ration, or are spurned from government jobs, or are denied a promotion just because they are ‘overtly religious’ with their flowing beard, or when they constantly live in the fear that intelligence officers can come knocking at their doors, wrongly framing them in a terrorist blast which killed innocent Hindus? How many of us live in constant fear of being dragged into court for a little transgression of law? How many of us in the majority community feel we are being framed wrongly, or fear being raided in our homes any time of the day, or tremble to post online such an article as this without hiding our identities or making ourselves anonymous? Not many. Thus, there needs to be someone who takes the side of those whose voice is not as loud. Isn’t it better to have someone who stands by them in the name of secularity, even if it’s out of political motives, than to leave them to maulvis or religious ayatollahs who would invariably rise up if they are left alone to fend for themselves? What would become of our nation then? Total annihilation is what I foresee, that would make what happened during partition look puny in comparison. 

Hindutva vs Secularism - The Debate Goes On

I recently saw a status message of a friend of mine on Facebook and it provoked me enough to give it a poke. It started a deep discussion which matured so well that it surprised me. It is a very pertinent debate seeing how India is shaping up today, and it would be great if you people can give your views of what you feel about it right here on the blog.

Original Status: What really appalls me is the fact that Hindu Nationalism is being equated with Fascism. Which part "Hindu" or "Nationalism" resembles fascism? Isn't secularism being mauled by appeasing a particular community rather than empowering them? I am no right winger but this shallow hypocrisy of Congress is an insult to every self-respecting secular Indian!

Me: One thing that both Fascism and Hindu Nationalism seek is so called "purifying" the nation state, proclaiming that the state belongs, relegating the reason for this to some unknown texts or maybe the fanatics' own wisdom, to one particular religion, community, class or race. For one it was race, for the other it is religion. What's actually appalling is the fact that we should question that who are these self-proclaimed righteous Hindu "leaders" to tell us that our great nation belongs to only one religion? Tell me, did Hinduism ever have "leaders"? Do we need an Ayatollah? India's differentiation and its very greatness lies in the fact that many faiths, multiple communities and various creeds cohabit peacefully, and nothing has been able to rupture that moral fabric. THAT is what India is about. (I'm not getting into the politics of it as I don't want to dip into the murky pool where every party is blemished, so I'm not taking sides there)

A: Let me preface this comment by making it very clear that I have no soft spot for Right wing elements in any religion, they have done more harm than good for the cause of religion per se. Having said that, I disagree with your analogy of Fascism with Hindu Nationalism. Would you consider Swami Vivekananda as a fascist who was a champion of secular ideals but at the same time not apologetic about being a Hindu? And I am quite sure his being a Nationalist requires no further mention.

Hinduism was never a religion to start with. It was and is a still a way of life. The plurality in our society is not a recent phenomenon but a part of our cultural ethos and based on "Vasudeva Kutumbhkam" (One World, One Family) which is a basic tenet of Hindu Philosophy.

My question is why is secularism which you rightly said is a part of our ethos being used to make one religion as the oppressor and other as the oppressed? Why is it not possible to be proud of your heritage without risked being called a "fascist". I strongly condemn this inverted secularism which instead of being indifferent towards religion[as defined in our constitution] is being shamelessly used to appease the minority community!

The assumption by the Congress that minorities will be appeased by these shallow gestures is an exercise in self defeat. I am quite sure the citizens of this country irrespective of their religious affiliations are intelligent enough to look past this shallow policy of appeasement where minorities are simply looked as a political tool rather than respectable citizens of this country!

Me: Let’s not confuse Hinduism, the religion, with Hindu Nationalism. These are two very different things. Hinduism, like you said, is a way of life. It's a culture, it was never a religion. Hinduism is the only religion which does not claim that those who are not following it are infidels, non-believers or kaffirs. Every other major religion in the world does that (Source: India: From Midnight, to Millennium and Beyond, Shashi Tharoor).

It's a shame if we talk of Swami Vivekananda in the same breath as we talk of these ignoramuses that we see today waving the Hindutva flag. Did Swami Vivekananda ever say that to reclaim our Hindu honour, we need to destroy a place of worship of another religion (read: Babri Masjid), and build a temple in its place? Did Swami Vivekananda in any of his works proclaim that India is a Hindu nation? Did Swami Vivekananda EVER ride a chariot to a mosque, break it down and feel glad to be a Hindu? Did he ever even feel the need to reinforce his Hinduism in this way? No. Never. Because this is not being a Hindu. This is not who Swami Vivekananda was. But this is who these people are.

Swami Aseemanand, who doesn't feel ashamed to call himself a "swami", admitted to planning, and carrying out Mecca Masjid blasts, Malegaon blasts, Samjhauta Express blasts and Ajmer Sharif blasts, killing hundreds of innocent people. After all this, do you think Hinduism stands any different from the blotched Islam? Don't you think these are the same terrorists, with just a different faith and a different tongue? My friend, these are the Hindu Nationalists today, as the reality is. Not Swami Vivekananda. He was a true Hindu, not those who claim India as theirs today. Think over it.

1st century BC - Buddhism was such a major religion in India, great Chinese scholars in their texts (remember China was a great flourishing civilization with countless erudite scholars) used to mention India as a "Buddhist Nation" for a whole millennium. (Source: The Argumentative Indian, Amartya Sen, Nobel Prize Laureate 1998). Post that, for almost 4 centuries, India was ruled by Muslim rulers, where, again, Islam was a prominent religion, as it still is. Jainism, Zoroastrianism, Charvaka (the atheists)- so many religions and schools of thoughts have flourished in India. In all this, do you think India was ever a "Hindu Nation" as these stupid extremists do? Do you think India is "secular" because our 60 year old constitution says so? No my friend. India is secular because it has always been secular since, not centuries but, millennia. And India will remain so.

A: True, Hinduism is different from Hindu Nationalism but only in letter not in spirit. Unfortunately we are a nation obsessed with prefixes and suffixes (that explains why we have a term as a Hindu rate of growth, but that is okay because we are a secular nation). If you look at the history Hindu Revivalism (Championed by Rammohun Roy et al) was the base of Hindu Nationalism. This revivalism was to purge the ills which had plagued our religion. This revivalism somehow also set the context for renouncing the foreign rule, however in the due course this was hijacked by extreme fringe who were limited by their misunderstanding of India as a nation. I felt the context was important. Hindu Nationalism was not an instrument to polarise people but to empower them under a unifying identity of an Indian. It is unfortunate it now identified with the fringe these days. Politics of hate has no place in broader scheme of Hindu Philosophy.

Swami Vivekananda can never be compared to any terrorist. Period! In fact, Swamiji's speech in Chicago answers precisely to your second comment of the series:

"Upon us depends whether the name Hindu will stand for everything that is glorious, everything that is spiritual, or whether it will remain a name of opprobrium, one designating the downtrodden, the worthless, the heathen. If at present the word Hindu means anything bad, never mind; by our action let us be ready to show that this is the highest word that any language can invent. It has been one of the principles of my life not to be ashamed of my own ancestors. The more I have studied the past, the more I have looked back, more and more has this pride come to me, and it has given me the strength and courage of conviction, raised me up from the dust of the earth, and set me working out that great plan laid out by those great ancestors of ours."

Terrorism has no religion; the fringe has no space in our society! But that has nothing to do with Hindu Nationalism in its original and purest form.

You in your last comment (Amartya Sen's book) you have substantiated my view from the earlier comment. Why could Buddhists and Mughals assimilate in this alien land so effortlessly? How could have barbarians from western Asia (Mughals) turned into model administrators with deep respect for religious and cultural sensitivities (Cow Slaughter was banned during Akbar's reign)? This was a result of the ethos and not necessarily the religion which characterised this nation. And my submission is that this ethos was firmly held in Hindu Philosophy and not necessarily the codified Hindu religion.

Me: I would love to see Hindu Philosophy flourish, like a revivalism of some sort. But that's not even close to what’s been happening in the mainstream politics, is it? It's the wrong sort of militant nationalism that is being preached and practiced. I agree the ruling party at the center is guilty of using "secularism" to garner a vote bank. But then equally guilty is the opposition party of placing Hinduism as a religion in the hands of the terrorists in the name of revivalism, is it not? Vote bank politics has been a bane of Indian politics since the past few decades, and every party is to be blamed equally for it. We, the educated class, who can see things as they are, cannot afford to see one form of hypocrisy and ignore the other.

Thumb on the Button

A pernicious melody, it makes me sway

Not out of merriment, no, but like the death knell of disaster

My nerves wreck my brain, I shake, I sweat, I swear, but don’t want it to show

The time is ripe, as He would say, so why does my thumb still fumble for the button

That will end this conflagration of megalomania that we see all around?

But will it? Will this change the way evil creeps in

Drunk on power, high on demagoguery

Will this massacre really tilt the needle at all

When measured on the scales of retribution?

A greater purpose, a bigger achievement, a grander exultation is what it will then be

This is how he would feel – a spy working against his own nation, but with loyalties aligned towards another purpose which can never face the same direction. He is in a small closeted room, and a human bomb is what he is. His thumb is on the button that would blow them all to pieces – those powers-that-be, united in this room, not on purpose but by accident, and a well-planned one at that. Should he or should he not? Time’s running away – he only has a couple of minutes more. His loyalties are divided. It’s his daughter’s voice that makes him think about it. He would love to be with his family, he couldn't leave them in disgrace like this. Is this what is interfering with his purpose? If yes, he would be too ashamed to admit it. But he likes to believe that he is in an enviable position now, and very soon as the stakes increase, so would the trust that they place on him. Could he play a bigger game or should he stick to his purpose, like a boy on an errand?

P.S. – The last episode of the first season of Homeland, the 2011 TV series inspired me to write this. And, needless to say, those who have watched the series would understand where I am coming from. I just wanted to try my hand at expressing what Brody felt at that moment. And for those who haven’t watched it yet, sorry for the spoilers! :)

Melody on My Mind

My earphones perch comfortably in the cusp of my ears. I’m slouching on my newly bought bean bag, the purchase of which was made mostly to have a feeling of dwelling in something that comes close to being called ‘home’. After toiling in the office, which is well over 20 km from where I put up, for hours, I don’t want to come back to a place I see only as a temporary make-shift arrangement. I guess we all look for a sense of permanence wherever we go. A sense of familiarity, an air of routine is what keeps our anxieties in check. So here I am.

But this post is not about office, and it’s not about permanence. It’s about something much simpler – music. Why do I listen to music? I don’t know. I just do. It sends a dose of sanity shooting through my veins, especially after a long week of drudgeries and mundaneness. The permanence of routine that I talked of above does not take a lot to become something boring that drags us down slowly, which we want to snap out of. In such a situation, music is the best cure. It makes me feel happy. It makes me feel good about life if it’s a happy song, and if it’s a sad one, I tend to dwell on and wonder at the depth of emotions and opportunities that come our way, the experiences we have and the way they shape our psyche, the way we turn for the worse, become defensive, irritable, accusatory, and what not. It makes me celebrate the profoundness that a sad thought churns about. A happy thought is just that, a thought that makes you be happy. But a depressing one is what makes you think, what makes you glassy-eyed, what makes you wonder at someone else’s pain and everyone else’s suffering. You think about how life kicks you when you are down, but you’ve got to learn to break through the hard ice sheet that is forming fast above you when you have been unfortunate enough to tread on the thinnest part of the sheet of ice on the sea of kismet, and fall into the icy cold water of karma or just plain bad luck. There’s no telling which. Neither then, nor later, no matter how many reasons may you give yourself for one or the other.

A cold draft makes the hair on my legs stand. I stretch myself and the bean bag adjusts itself obediently under my contours. Another weekend, another couple of days to look forward to. My sister told me some time ago that once you start working, your life is defined more than anything else by your weekdays and your weekends. Your life gets divided into these two neatly cut pieces, that are different as night and day, and just as sincere in their regularity and their importance in the scheme of things. I don’t want my life to be defined so simplistically. The very thought brings on an overwhelming feeling of disgruntlement. This is where music comes in, the landmark at which my life always takes a new turn and never fails to enrich my existence. 

Chains of Reverie

A melodic beep-beep-beep of a phone on loud-speaker penetrates the lugubrious hum of the air conditioner running in the background. A sharp creak of a chair screams for attention, like a baby on opium making short sharp intermittent wails. A dull cacophony of a lot of people talking at the same time, far far away permeates from the inner chamber where there are some more cubicles. The loud voice of a Head of Department leaks out from the heavy glass door on my right, maybe painfully explaining a process to someone or giving someone an earful over the phone. 

There are two paintings adorning the wall facing me at the far end. One of them shows three people walking, two of them close together and one farther off, on a boulevard flanked on two sides by huge walls. Or it could be very tall trees. Hard to make out when you are 25 feet away. The other painting shows a bunch of yellow flowers, some with hints of red betraying the abundant yellowness, and one absolutely dark brown. I’d like to believe it means one rotten entity among a ‘bunch’ of employees. But I don’t think that was the original intention of the painter. The wall clock on the left of the paintings stands upright exuding confidence. As I type away, a clique of auditors from a big consulting firm, as I am told, enters our office, full of enriched swagger, with the air of knowledge of being someone important. There is a typing sound in the background, irregular, now stopping, now jerking ahead, telling me that some deliberate thought is being poured into the topic. 

A rumble of tyres rolling on the tiled flooring and I know my colleague, a fellow Management Trainee, has pushed back his chair and got up. I look at him and I see his arms extended with a slight bend at the waist to one side, eyes pulled together to almost being closed, and an expression of severe pain on his visage. A sudden jerk and I break out of my reverie. He was indulging in a big yawn of boredom. It was time for our mid-morning break, something which gives us a sense of regularity at office. I push my chair back, extend my arms, bend my waist slightly to one side, pull my eyes close and stretch. A painful expression crosses my face. And then I break out of it, suddenly turning towards him, as if, becoming supple, breaking free from the chains that held me; chains of reverie. Soothed in a cozy blanket of familiarity, regularity and certitude, we happily make a move towards the cafeteria.

Purpose

Why do we make resolutions? Why do we aim to achieve certain things, when most of our planning is pulled successfully down by the lethargy of spirit and the mundaneness of life? Ennui, we call it. It’s a disappointment, and a big one at that, the day you realize how remiss you have been in carrying out your duty to yourself. How careless have you been towards your sense of self-respect. Because, let me tell you, the realization of this lack of concern towards your aims and ambitions is pitiful, loathsome and makes you sick to your guts. One may read, one may do his daily chores well enough and may not be negligent of them. But is that all you aim for? What about the daily jog which you promised yourself? What about the regular writing which was to form a part of your every day? What about music? What about giving something back to the society? A family member or a sympathizer may say You Cannot Achieve Everything, You Know. But what of the importance of these things to your sense of confidence? What about the day when you realize your negligence has been profound enough to make you loathe yourself?

What’s the way out? Is it to aim for a lower rung of ladder? Or to give everything to the achievement of your purpose, regardless of familial ties and relationships? You only have so much time in your day, you know. It’s difficult to compromise one for the other. But one thing I know – that when you start doing the things that you love day in and out, you give off a natural glow, a glow that emanates from your personality and makes you very attractive to people who share your frequencies. When you start doing the things you love, you will feel confident of yourself, and your confidence will reflect in the way you walk, the way you lift your eyes, the way you intone your speech, it almost gives off this odour which makes you stand out. Why do people who run or hit the gym daily, or those who read a lot of books, or those who practice music dedicatedly every day, have a sense of self-assurance written across their visages? In a way, it is your inner happiness that sprouts not from riches or fame or power, but from a sense of achievement, a feeling that you are ‘good enough for anything’. And I feel it’s worth pursuing that inner happiness. It keeps you happy, helps you make people around you happy by spreading optimism, and helps you overcome dark times in life. Ofcourse, we should not stop aiming for more, but if you are able to achieve this basic happiness, things get better. 

Bidding Adieu

Looking out of my second floor window towards the Symbiosis campus atop this hill, with the green of the ground expanding beyond the limit of my horizon, I feel an amalgam of different emotions. Some of my batch-mates may feel that being teary eyed may be the only natural expression at this time, since the two wonderful years spent atop this paradise are drawing to a close. Some may believe that they have developed a permanent bond with this college, SIBM Pune, and shall keep coming back to this place to keep those memories fresh as ever. There will be others who shall go out, relieved that the travail finally came to an end, and never look back at the place which did not add much value to them, which did not give them the memories which each one of us inherently covets. I go out with a mixture of all of these, a little here, a little there. 

I still remember the day when I came here for the first time to appear for my GD-PI process. Though circuitous, the winding road leading up to the hill top of Lavale was what stumped me. I could not believe that a b-school campus could be located at such a scenic place. The view from the campus goes very far to the semi-hills of the Western Ghats, and at night, the places beyond glimmer as audaciously as the stars above. The entrance of the campus towards the academic blocks consists of a wide boulevard with a fountain at the centre, the ugliness of which stands awkwardly in contrast to the beauty of its surroundings. But the conspicuousness of it all goes largely unnoticed by the average student. Maybe because he is too busy to notice, or maybe he is so used to seeing the splotches of ugliness on the white canvas of appearances. 

A lot has changed in the last two years at this place. If environmentalists would cheer at the new well-maintained green cover of grass on the ground, socialists would decry the newly imposed restrictions to the use of the ground for us common people, which places it beyond us, something like a Porsche, only to be admired from a distance. Life a friend said, it is like a father fencing the front yard of their house not allowing his own child to play there, saying “Son, I cannot do much. The neighbour’s child pays me two rupees per day to use the ground”. We see anyone and everyone from other colleges (some not even students) come and play at the ground, which has suddenly become off-limits to us laymen, just because there is a green cover which makes the ground hoity-toity. Then there have been changes in the whole process of placements at SIBM Pune this last year, only for good. Reading the vitriolic comments on the Confessions page of a “sister institute” against the misuse of power by those “special ones”, I realize that this could well have been our senior batch. But I cannot imagine acerbic tone being used to describe the current scenario. In fact, I’m inclined to believe that most favour the transparency. 

SIBM Pune has more or less maintained its rank on the list of the “most-wanted” b-schools, something in which the powers-that-be find a lot to cheer about. Sometimes it seems as if this very thing is the end to which the b-schools strive, or maybe it’s the average pay-package. What gets lost in this rat race is what some like to call the academic rigour. Though I agree at this age, the professors are not supposed to make you learn, in fact they cannot. But one responsibility of an able professor, especially one at a b-school, is to inspire his students, to light that torch of hunger to learn more. Alas, not many of the cherished permanent faculty at this institute have anything close to that ability. Guest faculty, which has had a much greater impact in this regard, continues to be ignored. This is one problem which, if addressed, can go a long way in cementing SIBM Pune’s place in the list of the most respected b-schools. 

Finally, I believe a b-school is about exposure, execution and experiences. Exposure to the different situations in the form of assignments or group work, and to different cultures in the form of the people you meet (and become lifelong friends with). You learn execution of ideas, and on the way that ability to see your plans through. And finally experiences, which teach you the most. I, for one, learned a lot from the students I was around, and my friends. I learned the value of hard work, and how it always pays off. I learned how little I know about things, about people and about their aspirations. I felt inspired to do more, and I learned about my shortcomings. I learned to let go of the misgivings and the grudges. I learned to forgive.  

Last few days left, and I don’t feel too strong an emotion. Strangely I am looking forward to the corporate life, but I know once I go away from this place, I’m going to look back with nostalgia. But I have my own set of memories that I’ve made here. And I plan to keep them safe, like a delicate album which can be looked back upon, time and again. 

“The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye, the story of love is hello and goodbye...until we meet again”

― Jimi Hendrix