Thumb on the Button

A pernicious melody, it makes me sway

Not out of merriment, no, but like the death knell of disaster

My nerves wreck my brain, I shake, I sweat, I swear, but don’t want it to show

The time is ripe, as He would say, so why does my thumb still fumble for the button

That will end this conflagration of megalomania that we see all around?

But will it? Will this change the way evil creeps in

Drunk on power, high on demagoguery

Will this massacre really tilt the needle at all

When measured on the scales of retribution?

A greater purpose, a bigger achievement, a grander exultation is what it will then be

This is how he would feel – a spy working against his own nation, but with loyalties aligned towards another purpose which can never face the same direction. He is in a small closeted room, and a human bomb is what he is. His thumb is on the button that would blow them all to pieces – those powers-that-be, united in this room, not on purpose but by accident, and a well-planned one at that. Should he or should he not? Time’s running away – he only has a couple of minutes more. His loyalties are divided. It’s his daughter’s voice that makes him think about it. He would love to be with his family, he couldn't leave them in disgrace like this. Is this what is interfering with his purpose? If yes, he would be too ashamed to admit it. But he likes to believe that he is in an enviable position now, and very soon as the stakes increase, so would the trust that they place on him. Could he play a bigger game or should he stick to his purpose, like a boy on an errand?

P.S. – The last episode of the first season of Homeland, the 2011 TV series inspired me to write this. And, needless to say, those who have watched the series would understand where I am coming from. I just wanted to try my hand at expressing what Brody felt at that moment. And for those who haven’t watched it yet, sorry for the spoilers! :)