Who am I?

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I am not religious, but I don't mind calling myself spiritual. Religion, I believe, has, over the millennia, been used as a prop to perpetrate a lot of human suffering. Faith is what matters. I don't believe in the definition of God as a creator. According to me, my God resides within me. Some call it conscience, some call it the sub-conscious, some call it the soul. I don't mind calling it God. So by definition I am not an atheist or an agnostic, but by essence, I may as well be. My God does not reside in a temple, church, mosque or gurudwara. It is right here, within me.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

If I Could Go Back in Time

I have been wondering – for me, there is a tremendous degree of, so to say, life coming full circle, in terms of my interests and life choices vis-a-vis what was taught to us in school as a part of our syllabi. I remember studying Shakespeare’s plays in detail at school, understanding each word’s meaning and import, making an entirely new discovery every step of the way (a few I clearly remember, like reading about “ides of March” which basically means 15th or mid of March in Julius Caesar). But the amount of interest we showed in truly learning the work and exploring similar works was very little, if any.


It was a world of discovery that I enjoyed, but yet, my initiative in the direction of exploring new literature and reading more books was next to nothing. In our school library, I remember liking the smell of old hardbound books, in black and blue and green rough spine and cover, and spending a lot of time facing the books in the cupboards, taking out this one and that one, discovering new titles in the typical wondrous pleasure of an explorer – yet making very little endeavour to read some of those (I’m assuming) enriching books. I truly regret this and I wish I could turn back time and actually pick some great works to read when we used to have all the time in the world and access to a seemingly endless and accessible source, like our school library. I remember having done the same thing at home – taking out Dad’s old books from his bookshelves, studying their type and print, binding and cover page, and rollicking in the fabulous fragrance typical of old books, and then eventually keeping them back in their place when Mom called for dinner. Looking back, the seeds of a bibliophile were always there in me, but the initiative was missing.


I still wonder at times why is it that the teacher with the most monotonous intonation is always assigned to teaching History. And thus there was always a strong correlation between the subject of History being taught and the lolling jerks of a sleep induced head in class. I remember our History teacher in 9th and 10th standard used to come to class, open his book on the page where he left off in the previous class, and start reading and intermittently, sprinkling the narrative with his own explanation of why and how things happened. I can’t really seem to remember how well he explained those things – because I was hardly ever paying attention – but I’m sure there was some depth to it. In fact, if I had paid attention back then, I believe I would have taken a liking to the wonderful subject back then itself rather than almost 3-4 years later when I started my graduation and started reading more books. 


History was the class in which we (my best friend Ashish and I) were meant to amuse ourselves with book cricket (where you randomly open a page of a book and the last digit of the even numbered page was the score on that ball, 0 being out, with 11 wickets each side); or a miniature version of cricket where an eraser rubbed off into the shape of a ball would be rolled from the top of the slanting table top towards another eraser or a Nataraj pencil sharpener at the other end which would act as the stumps; or to updating and maintaining of the records of our individual performance in the actual cricket session of that day (played during the half hour break every day), and updating records like total runs that season, wickets taken, and even batting and bowling averages, and expressing all of this in terms of line and bar graphs (yes, I was an out and out nerd from the very beginning). With there being so much to do, why would we ever pay attention in this History class, of all classes, where even the teacher did not mind us indulging in these “activities” right under his nose. Probably he knew all along how few students were actually paying attention, but was too far off on the scale of been there done that to really give two shits about it.

School days were, like for so many of you, one of the best days of my life – a carefree time when one did not even understand the definition of emotions like stress, negativity, envy, insecurities and peer pressure – states which seep off a lot of our time, attention and energy in today’s dog-eat-dog hyper-capitalistic world of extreme consumerism. If given another opportunity, I would not miss a chance to go back in time. And this time, I would play more sports, pick up music early, and for sure, explore more of the beautiful world of literature.



p.s. - For further reading:

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