Who am I?

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I am not religious, but I don't mind calling myself spiritual. Religion, I believe, has, over the millennia, been used as a prop to perpetrate a lot of human suffering. Faith is what matters. I don't believe in the definition of God as a creator. According to me, my God resides within me. Some call it conscience, some call it the sub-conscious, some call it the soul. I don't mind calling it God. So by definition I am not an atheist or an agnostic, but by essence, I may as well be. My God does not reside in a temple, church, mosque or gurudwara. It is right here, within me.

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Clutter on the bed, on the table, in my wardrobe and in my mind is how my current situation can be best described. The drive of excitement spurs me to labour on, but the lack of relaxant is making me jumpy, moody and irritable. I need a break! But before all that, I would describe the current situation to you. My roommate is having a bath, and I am waiting for him, so that we can proceed to dinner because my stomach is starting to make strange sounds now. I am reading Marketing Management by Philip Kotler, the de-facto bible of marketing. I feel excited when I think of myself in a marketing role, but I would like to admit – when I first tried to read Kotler, it was as if an invisible force had warped my mind and my thinking power had all but evaporated! I could not understand what the guy was trying to say! I flipped through the pages. The whole book seemed full of jargons from a different world. And if this, I thought, is supposed to be the most basic book for Marketing being taught to us in the first semester itself, how on earth will I ever cope with the terrible things to come? It was only eventually that I eased into this frame of mind which defines rush as mundane, 5-hours-of-sleep-a-night as lucky, and (mostly) inedible mess food as a non-entity, something we’ve stopped thinking about, which does not give us a pain in the arse (no literal meaning intended) any more, as there is a larger scheme of things to worry about. Talking of mess-food, may be this is a conspiracy by the college authorities to inundate us with regular assignments/tests/presentations, so much that we fail to notice the unpalatable food. Or maybe the whole university is involved. Or maybe, just MAY BE, I’m going insane!
          Well, that could be some food for thought. I get up from my bed, stretch myself into a yawn so wild that everything starts to look blurry with the water clouding my eyes, shake myself back to senses, and look out of the window. Not much can be made out, but the lights in the hostel rooms of the building across, reflected as shimmering sparkles in the water puddles across the length of the area between, tell me that it’s raining buckets. We had five tests, two case studies and one submission this week. Still, one more test remains. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how far I’ve come in these 7 weeks. Not that I have learned a lot – I have serious reservations about that! But I’m learning the essence of hard work. And I’m learning to be sincere towards myself. Not to mention, I have met some wonderful people. And yes, there is also that one professor who I revere, and am always in awe of. Though I might end up securing a very poor grade in his subject, looking at the way I’m going. But that’s a separate issue altogether. Presently, my room-mate is almost ready and I look around for my umbrella. I’m surprised to find myself wondering what could be there for dinner.